These Days...

I feel like things are starting to look up. The past couple of days I have been feeling better than I have in weeks. However, my blood pressure was a little high at the doctor's office yesterday. Hopefully this good mood trend continues, and my blood pressure stays down (I have never had problems with my blood pressure except when I went into labor but I think all this stress is contributing to it right now.)

Chris and I go back and forth between getting along and arguing constantly. We try to only talk about Kylie but even then, we sometimes just can't seem to agree. It's very frustrating and stressful.

I feel like I've been a bad mood too much. I'm just really stressed out with everything that's going on, especially when Chris and I aren't getting along. Being a stay-at-home mom isn't for me, and that stresses me out, too. Obviously now that Chris and I are separated, I can't be a stay-at-home mom much longer anyway but it was getting to me even before we separated. I just feel so disconnected, so lonely, and so lazy. I'm not the type of person to like people to help me financially so it's been really bothering me lately that I don't have a job. I'm really looking forward to going back to work. I'm not so excited about putting Kylie in a day care center or in-home day care but it will be good for both of us.

Right before I left California, I'd lost 10 pounds, half of my goal. Well, I gained it all back when I moved here. I've lost another few pounds since then but I get really tired of yo-yoing and just want this weight off. I feel like I have no energy ALL THE TIME (which is also from Kylie's lack of sleep), and I think when I lose this weight, I will have more energy. Summer (my sister) and I have been going to the gym almost everyday but I guess we've been going too late for her liking, and she never wants to stay long. She told me if we went earlier, she'd have more energy to stay longer so we're going to try that because I really need an accountability partner.

I'm planning a visit to California next month so Chris can spend time with Kylie. I know he misses her, and I hate that they can't spend time together everyday.

I just realized how cynical this post sounded after I said the past couple of days have been better. I guess I should add that I still just don't feel like my normal self, which is understandable. But the past couple of days have definitely been better than any day since I got here. I'm hoping I'm just slowly coming out of this depressed mood and moving toward being happy again.